Lilexia Run Wild

A Gnat posting that takes on Nickelodeon's penchant for interrupting their commercials with programming. Describing an average half hour's programming, Lileks writes...

1. Titles for Cartoon show

2. Ad for Choco-Bots Action Figures now with Seizure Lasers

3. Ad for Cocoa Puffs; animated avian mascot suffers from mental condition that makes him deranged in the presence of said cereal

4. Ad for Barbie Magic Action Bubble Surprise Party Time Siege Engine

5. Ad for Molded Plastic Parts, the game with molded plastic parts

6. Live spot for some slime-based competition involving two teams of children, bleachers full of screaming kids (dubbed, I suspect) and one host trying hard to remind himself that this is work, he's in the business, and it sure the hell beats doing the weather in Akron

7. First cartoon. Ha ha.

8. Ad for "The Sassy Attitude Kids" or some such stupid Nick live-action show. Pick the cast member who will show up on the Smoking Gun for shoplifting cotton swabs in 2017.

9. Ad for G. I. Joe! Now with Steroid Tabletz! Put them in his mouth! Now with amazing genital-shrinking action!

10. Update from the competition, which is either happening live or occurred in 1998; hard to tell, and really who cares?

11. Another cartoon. It's Flatly Drawn Merchandising Opportunity Boy! Soon to be a collectible from a Burger King Happy Frickin' Meal.

Read the whole thing here.