Jewish Haiku

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.

*****
Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.

*****
Passover
Left the door open
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

*****


After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

*****

Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.

*****
Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.

*****

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

*****

The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

*****
Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture
at my dinner table.

*****
Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.

*****

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.

*****
The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

*****
Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.

*****
Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

*****
Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.

*****
Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

*****
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh

*****
Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!

*****
Quietly murmured
at Saturday services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

*****
A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.

****
Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness.

And if that whet your appetite, read some real haikus.

[Update: This was one of those anonymous things that one gets sent in emails. It has come to my attention that some persons thought I might be the author. Please let me dispel that notion. I am not he. It has further come to my attention that the actual author has a book of collected verse from which these have been excerpted. So, credit where credit is due. David M. Bader, Haiku for Jews.]